Sunday, 28 September 2008
i am really tired today so i gave myself a full day break, no homework, no studying and sleep whenever i want after econs tuition this morning.
Econs tuition was not too bad, at least i learnt several new graphs and revise my content. After that went to J8 for lunch with qinsheng and andrew before going home.
Watched tv from 3-5pm den went to nap till 8:30pm. woke up and sms my mum to dabao dinner and continue sitting in front of the television to watch programme with little attempt to read through econs notes from tuition centre. i felt really exhausted and shagged.
I just went to check EMB and saw several things uploaded onto the net which requires downloading and printing, like math. seriously, i hate to download and print when there are so many attachments to a message. i am freaking lazy and why can't the school just print impt stuff for us. putting it on EMB trivialise the need to study those things.
Den i went to check ISP for my prelim results to see if there are any other results on the system, and i saw math and econs. like i said, both got S in my previous entry. Then i got curious and went to check the C2 overall results and guess wad? i saw a big fat U (39.2) for math. For a moment, i got really upset looking at all my lousy results. I saw percentiles below 20% with my rankings between 600-900. And i look back at my J1 results. It is really a damn big deprovement from J1 to J2. I questioned myself again: why the difference? did i work harder in j1? NO. did i become more stupid? YES. and thats the conclusion which left me more upset than ever. Maybe i shouldn't even be dreaming of going overseas and i should be satisfied enough if i can even get into a university with my kind of grades. I can already predict what the interviewers will ask when they see my portfolio: what makes you think that you are up to the academic standards of our school when you haven been doing well in school at all? Why is your CCA commitments more attractive than the results that you are getting, can you explain? Tell us more about yourself, briefly mention about your views towards education.
I will probably smack myself and walk out of the interview room because i don't think i can answer them. What can i say? " Oh, i really did work hard but i still fail to do well for every single test but i didn't give up and i kept trying (when my results didn't really prove my words) ". Or do you expect me to say " As you know, Hwa Chong papers are difficult and challenging...".
Or maybe the truth?
- I lack self-discipline
- I am not a very clever person
- I worked hard last minute. or maybe not? i can't really define wads last minute btw.
- I can't force myself to do something which i don't like
- I am lazy and i think playing makes me happier
- Education is still very important but it is not top priority to me. Getting into a good school is more important because branding determines your status. Your school fits the bill.
Its 1:49am now and i am feeling screwed for all the weird opinions that i have which are unorthodox. I am feeling farked up with my results. I am feeling hopeless for my future. Lastly, i feel inferior and yes, i feel tired and i am going to sleep now.
Bye, fucked up world.
Econs tuition was not too bad, at least i learnt several new graphs and revise my content. After that went to J8 for lunch with qinsheng and andrew before going home.
Watched tv from 3-5pm den went to nap till 8:30pm. woke up and sms my mum to dabao dinner and continue sitting in front of the television to watch programme with little attempt to read through econs notes from tuition centre. i felt really exhausted and shagged.
I just went to check EMB and saw several things uploaded onto the net which requires downloading and printing, like math. seriously, i hate to download and print when there are so many attachments to a message. i am freaking lazy and why can't the school just print impt stuff for us. putting it on EMB trivialise the need to study those things.
Den i went to check ISP for my prelim results to see if there are any other results on the system, and i saw math and econs. like i said, both got S in my previous entry. Then i got curious and went to check the C2 overall results and guess wad? i saw a big fat U (39.2) for math. For a moment, i got really upset looking at all my lousy results. I saw percentiles below 20% with my rankings between 600-900. And i look back at my J1 results. It is really a damn big deprovement from J1 to J2. I questioned myself again: why the difference? did i work harder in j1? NO. did i become more stupid? YES. and thats the conclusion which left me more upset than ever. Maybe i shouldn't even be dreaming of going overseas and i should be satisfied enough if i can even get into a university with my kind of grades. I can already predict what the interviewers will ask when they see my portfolio: what makes you think that you are up to the academic standards of our school when you haven been doing well in school at all? Why is your CCA commitments more attractive than the results that you are getting, can you explain? Tell us more about yourself, briefly mention about your views towards education.
I will probably smack myself and walk out of the interview room because i don't think i can answer them. What can i say? " Oh, i really did work hard but i still fail to do well for every single test but i didn't give up and i kept trying (when my results didn't really prove my words) ". Or do you expect me to say " As you know, Hwa Chong papers are difficult and challenging...".
Or maybe the truth?
- I lack self-discipline
- I am not a very clever person
- I worked hard last minute. or maybe not? i can't really define wads last minute btw.
- I can't force myself to do something which i don't like
- I am lazy and i think playing makes me happier
- Education is still very important but it is not top priority to me. Getting into a good school is more important because branding determines your status. Your school fits the bill.
Its 1:49am now and i am feeling screwed for all the weird opinions that i have which are unorthodox. I am feeling farked up with my results. I am feeling hopeless for my future. Lastly, i feel inferior and yes, i feel tired and i am going to sleep now.
Bye, fucked up world.
01:27
