Thursday, 5 November 2009
Have been trying to study for the past 3 days.. Still very slow in my progress but I hope to pick up more speed when my mugging momentum hits me.. It's stark resemblance to preparation for A levels in HC, where the group of us + stanley gathered at the office area to mug from morning till night.. Missing those days and I am reliving it now, it's just that the people mugging with me are not exactly the ones fighting the same "war" as me..
I shouldn't expect too much I guess, everyone has priority for different things. For most ppl in my clique, its family before studies still. But maybe also because I never had a family dinner for many years, eating at home/eating out makes no difference, in terms of the value of eating. And the jam is another factor.. I would rather make use of my time to study in school and reach home in like 40min then to sleep in the bus for at least 1hour and go home and continue slping. Total waste of time and time is of essence now. 5 modules, alot of revision and practices yeah.. I want to achieve a CAP of at least 4.5 for a start. I know I am no smarty-pants and I am probably trying to achieve something beyond my current capabilities, but I am putting in effort to make miracles happen. I am not sure if I am mugging hard enough because I have seen people mugging harder than I have.. I seem to be mugging alot but I don't really think I am..
Oh and I really thank jianguang for trying to keep me company. He felt obliged to mug with me because I kinda asked him to mug with me and he will feel very bad if he don't. Guess I am a little too selfish here, as in I always thought that since he is mugging already, why not I just join him lor. but yah.. didn't noe that he treated this quite seriously.. Anyway, I changed my perspective of him alot. I didn't really like him at the start of the camp.. ahha but its all passe..
Talked to c min min today again. He is really a damn good listener. I know I kept troubling him and people who don't know about EZ will think that theres something between both of us... Life sucks this way. Anyway, I am still pretty much confused with my own actions and words. Things take really long to get out of my system because I am too emotional, sentimental and pessimistic. I can't get over some stuff still bt I hope time can flush everything away or maybe when another thing comes my way. I pretty much understand that its not that possible to be like last time because of my fears. I can't psycho myself to think that nothing happened before. I still fear that I would be disappointed again. Things were never same for me and my secondary school friend since then. I know its not right to assume the same conclusion since it's different altogether but I can't help thinking this way. The "big boulder" is permanently stuck in my soul. 一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳. I don't know, maybe its not that serious afterall? now that I have grown older physically and mentally and go through so much shit? Or maybe because I am too tired handling all these and have given up on trying to search for the optimal point of interaction? Going through all these over and over again really makes me mentally drained and retarded..
I like c min min alot, hes like another QS, another JY, another JSKY, another Kheex, another BQ, another SH, and many many more friends whom i like dearly. Hes a 好人, just like Wei Guo and more. I really really pray with all my heart that God treats all the 好人 in my life well. I hate to see them suffer or upset or mistreated. Really. I know this is random... but I feel the need to protect all the 好人. I am no saint, I am superstitious, I am kuku whatever.. I am really prepared to go all out for anyone of them if they really need my help one day..
I am crapping again perhaps. Going home = cannot study anymore.. I need to slp already I am really tired. Didn't sleep well last night coz so many opinions, thoughts and memories flooded my small brain. Shall wake up early tmr to pack my bag, clothes and mugging stuff.
Focus yeah, exams are coming.. You only have one chance, make it or break it. I will despise myself forever if i do badly again.. FOCUS.
I shouldn't expect too much I guess, everyone has priority for different things. For most ppl in my clique, its family before studies still. But maybe also because I never had a family dinner for many years, eating at home/eating out makes no difference, in terms of the value of eating. And the jam is another factor.. I would rather make use of my time to study in school and reach home in like 40min then to sleep in the bus for at least 1hour and go home and continue slping. Total waste of time and time is of essence now. 5 modules, alot of revision and practices yeah.. I want to achieve a CAP of at least 4.5 for a start. I know I am no smarty-pants and I am probably trying to achieve something beyond my current capabilities, but I am putting in effort to make miracles happen. I am not sure if I am mugging hard enough because I have seen people mugging harder than I have.. I seem to be mugging alot but I don't really think I am..
Oh and I really thank jianguang for trying to keep me company. He felt obliged to mug with me because I kinda asked him to mug with me and he will feel very bad if he don't. Guess I am a little too selfish here, as in I always thought that since he is mugging already, why not I just join him lor. but yah.. didn't noe that he treated this quite seriously.. Anyway, I changed my perspective of him alot. I didn't really like him at the start of the camp.. ahha but its all passe..
Talked to c min min today again. He is really a damn good listener. I know I kept troubling him and people who don't know about EZ will think that theres something between both of us... Life sucks this way. Anyway, I am still pretty much confused with my own actions and words. Things take really long to get out of my system because I am too emotional, sentimental and pessimistic. I can't get over some stuff still bt I hope time can flush everything away or maybe when another thing comes my way. I pretty much understand that its not that possible to be like last time because of my fears. I can't psycho myself to think that nothing happened before. I still fear that I would be disappointed again. Things were never same for me and my secondary school friend since then. I know its not right to assume the same conclusion since it's different altogether but I can't help thinking this way. The "big boulder" is permanently stuck in my soul. 一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳. I don't know, maybe its not that serious afterall? now that I have grown older physically and mentally and go through so much shit? Or maybe because I am too tired handling all these and have given up on trying to search for the optimal point of interaction? Going through all these over and over again really makes me mentally drained and retarded..
I like c min min alot, hes like another QS, another JY, another JSKY, another Kheex, another BQ, another SH, and many many more friends whom i like dearly. Hes a 好人, just like Wei Guo and more. I really really pray with all my heart that God treats all the 好人 in my life well. I hate to see them suffer or upset or mistreated. Really. I know this is random... but I feel the need to protect all the 好人. I am no saint, I am superstitious, I am kuku whatever.. I am really prepared to go all out for anyone of them if they really need my help one day..
I am crapping again perhaps. Going home = cannot study anymore.. I need to slp already I am really tired. Didn't sleep well last night coz so many opinions, thoughts and memories flooded my small brain. Shall wake up early tmr to pack my bag, clothes and mugging stuff.
Focus yeah, exams are coming.. You only have one chance, make it or break it. I will despise myself forever if i do badly again.. FOCUS.
00:05
