Sunday, 13 December 2009
It has been a long time since i last splurged on food. Had a really great dinner today with OG14! :) And I duno why but we met so many hwachongians at suntec and esplanade today. the feeling of seeing familiar faces is so damn good.
Ate and crystal jade and had ice cream at haagen-daz. Pure heavenly. The company rocks. Woohoo must thank andrew (bird) for organising this dinner. Wouldn't have been possible without him initiating a meet up. I am damn lazy to organise any outing already, enthusiasm dying down.. Now I just want to be normal, not too hieong and crazy. As in I am very afraid of commitments now. I really doubt my ability to make everything turn out fine and perfect. Choreographing SDE Bash dance is getting onto my nerves even though we only picked the songs that we want. I just hope that the choreo can be a fun one lo, and that the nominees enjoy doing it. haha. I realised that I never really choreo-ed an entire dance for performance before. I really suck at choreographing, dance vocab very bad. Now I am sick of listening to the songs already...
and yup, I am in the girl's national cheerleading team for NUS. Coach put me to be in charge of the girl's group. Man, I swear I was damn shock of this arrangement because I nv really showed any form of leadership and I am always complaining how lousy I am. Haiz, some people really deserve to get in but didn't. Some people don't deserve it but they are chosen. Nvm I guess, hope things will work out.
Hanging out with hwachong friends makes me think alot about the past. Haha, like my og bought a "How to be a Lady" book on my birthday and hope to transform me into someone feminine. Epic fail bah, but I think I toned down alot already. Less manly now. HAHAHAHA okie I think I am deceiving myself.
Had a long chat with desmy yesterday. She really reminded me that some things done cannot be undone, especially in relationship matters (friendship, bgr, family etc etc). To hope that feelings become how it was in the past is totally naive and stupid. No one will disagree with me. I am glad I didn't give him the letter that I told myself I would. So only I will feel awkward when facing him and he wouldn't. It is just damn sad that we are drifting apart. My life is slowly moving away from his presence and I have gotten used to it already. 1 year has passed yeah.. time dilutes feelings and I hope it will continue to help me forget what I have to. I need to stop myself from thinking further into the abyss. I don't know how to phrase this such that it doesn't create misunderstanding but it is along the lines that it feels empty to be living life without love, all kinds of love. I have to admit that this emptiness is probably the reason why I joined ccas to compensate for the lack of it. Watching drama is another way to reduce it. Okie maybe what i said doesn't really make sense because I nv really thought through it properly before. I just felt a strong urge to say this out, maybe coz of some trigger (og14 and/or desmy).
Alrighty, I know it doesn't really make sense to emo now but I just can't help it. I shouldn't have much expectation yeah. I feel that theres really not many people whom I can tell my true heartfelt feelings to and be understood.
I have never had this wish realised before. I wonder when it will come knocking at my door. Hehe, but it is just too ridiculous to be thinking about it yeah coz it will never happen.
Stupid thoughts running through my mind too much. Shall go slp.
Ate and crystal jade and had ice cream at haagen-daz. Pure heavenly. The company rocks. Woohoo must thank andrew (bird) for organising this dinner. Wouldn't have been possible without him initiating a meet up. I am damn lazy to organise any outing already, enthusiasm dying down.. Now I just want to be normal, not too hieong and crazy. As in I am very afraid of commitments now. I really doubt my ability to make everything turn out fine and perfect. Choreographing SDE Bash dance is getting onto my nerves even though we only picked the songs that we want. I just hope that the choreo can be a fun one lo, and that the nominees enjoy doing it. haha. I realised that I never really choreo-ed an entire dance for performance before. I really suck at choreographing, dance vocab very bad. Now I am sick of listening to the songs already...
and yup, I am in the girl's national cheerleading team for NUS. Coach put me to be in charge of the girl's group. Man, I swear I was damn shock of this arrangement because I nv really showed any form of leadership and I am always complaining how lousy I am. Haiz, some people really deserve to get in but didn't. Some people don't deserve it but they are chosen. Nvm I guess, hope things will work out.
Hanging out with hwachong friends makes me think alot about the past. Haha, like my og bought a "How to be a Lady" book on my birthday and hope to transform me into someone feminine. Epic fail bah, but I think I toned down alot already. Less manly now. HAHAHAHA okie I think I am deceiving myself.
Had a long chat with desmy yesterday. She really reminded me that some things done cannot be undone, especially in relationship matters (friendship, bgr, family etc etc). To hope that feelings become how it was in the past is totally naive and stupid. No one will disagree with me. I am glad I didn't give him the letter that I told myself I would. So only I will feel awkward when facing him and he wouldn't. It is just damn sad that we are drifting apart. My life is slowly moving away from his presence and I have gotten used to it already. 1 year has passed yeah.. time dilutes feelings and I hope it will continue to help me forget what I have to. I need to stop myself from thinking further into the abyss. I don't know how to phrase this such that it doesn't create misunderstanding but it is along the lines that it feels empty to be living life without love, all kinds of love. I have to admit that this emptiness is probably the reason why I joined ccas to compensate for the lack of it. Watching drama is another way to reduce it. Okie maybe what i said doesn't really make sense because I nv really thought through it properly before. I just felt a strong urge to say this out, maybe coz of some trigger (og14 and/or desmy).
Alrighty, I know it doesn't really make sense to emo now but I just can't help it. I shouldn't have much expectation yeah. I feel that theres really not many people whom I can tell my true heartfelt feelings to and be understood.
I have never had this wish realised before. I wonder when it will come knocking at my door. Hehe, but it is just too ridiculous to be thinking about it yeah coz it will never happen.
Stupid thoughts running through my mind too much. Shall go slp.
02:24
