Friday, 7 June 2013
These few days after I finally received my final CAP, I have been thinking about the different events that made an impact to my life in NUS. To be honest, some really affected me alot and I didn't realize their impact until I start to see it for myself, how much I have changed unknowingly.
Maybe, to start off with, I realize that most of my friends in NUS probably didn't know much about me. Can try asking anyone, I believe everyone would have a question mark at some point in time. I nv really had a chance to let ppl find out more about me I guess. And maybe to some extent, I feel that probably ppl aren't interested to find out anyway. I mean who am I to them in the first place. I can't really gauge what kind of friend I am to them. Perhaps after that incident, towards people, I learn to hide all the upset, frustration, tired-ness and only show the optimistic and happy side of me. I learn to lie, put up a false front, just so not to affect anyone's day because of the "undesirable" emotions that I may be feeling. It became kind of extreme.
Perhaps, I have never fully got over some issues. And at the end of the day, people know me for what I think they would want to see in me, not really knowing me for who I really am. Bt then again, it seems normal because everyone else is doing that. So maybe its not just me. I try to avoid being fake and patronizing, guess thats the only way to uphold my own principle of being sincere and true.
Suddenly lost the urge to write about anything. Tired after tearing. Another fact that I realize about myself would be that, once I stop tearing, my heart become stone-cold and I stop feeling.
Maybe, to start off with, I realize that most of my friends in NUS probably didn't know much about me. Can try asking anyone, I believe everyone would have a question mark at some point in time. I nv really had a chance to let ppl find out more about me I guess. And maybe to some extent, I feel that probably ppl aren't interested to find out anyway. I mean who am I to them in the first place. I can't really gauge what kind of friend I am to them. Perhaps after that incident, towards people, I learn to hide all the upset, frustration, tired-ness and only show the optimistic and happy side of me. I learn to lie, put up a false front, just so not to affect anyone's day because of the "undesirable" emotions that I may be feeling. It became kind of extreme.
Perhaps, I have never fully got over some issues. And at the end of the day, people know me for what I think they would want to see in me, not really knowing me for who I really am. Bt then again, it seems normal because everyone else is doing that. So maybe its not just me. I try to avoid being fake and patronizing, guess thats the only way to uphold my own principle of being sincere and true.
Suddenly lost the urge to write about anything. Tired after tearing. Another fact that I realize about myself would be that, once I stop tearing, my heart become stone-cold and I stop feeling.
12:23
