Monday, 11 February 2008
♥ hmmm
today isn't exactly a happy day for me. first of all, lessons end at 3pm and i have MAD chingay practice in the afternoon. Its not that i dun like going for MAD practice class but i am really worried that i can't get everything into my head fast enough to not make any mistake during the performances. everyone has been telling me:
1) Wei Ting, you are ZAI, sure can one!
2) the dance is really super easy, its just repetition of dance steps
3) I am sure you can make it! you learn steps very fast one..
haiz. so much faith in me, but i am not sure if i wun disappoint everyone. it has been a mad rush for me for both council stuff and now chingay. no one understands that i also need a slow pace lifestyle sometimes. Do you not know that it is really tiring to always be zhamming, to always rush things out?
I really think i am crazily busy. Everything that i do has opportunity cost attached to it now. everything is just... suffocating me. :'(
I feel really depressed now, like really depressed. i need to escape from this reality.. to somewhere where i can be alone, where i can have all the time to do the things i need to do, somewhere where it is timeless before zooming back to this stifling place..
Haiz i really feel like shit during dance class just now. maybe its just the way Dan treats me. But can't blame him anyway, i have been missing all his dance classes and so what if i am back now? i will disappear again after chingay ends.. when things start to get busy.. Haiz, so what if i am above average? or maybe average now since i haven been dancing for a very long time.. nvm. life is just unfair one way or another.. seeing how MAD juniors look at me with curious eyes and burning questions and doubts aren't helping either. I am not dance IC but i am in MAD? this is probably one of the questions that the juniors discussed.. yeah they could have probably been thinking that i am lousy so i dun deserve the DIC position. or maybe i am just thinking too much, but such things, it is really hard not to have people talk about it?
no one really understands how i really feel, or rather i have chosen not to talk about it to anyone coz they would probably just think that i am jealous that i didn't get the post that i wan or that i hate cheer ic post and am trying all means to bitch it. And hence, i am not doing a good job and am always whining that i didn't choose this post so i have the right to complain and blame exco/jared for putting me there.
its okie if i dun make sense coz alot of thoughts are inside my head now. i just rite everything down now before all the feelings are gone and i am back to an empty nutshell. okie.. i am spending alot of time writing all these down and it doesn't help me to get betta so i shall stop now..
It is just so complicated for me.. i am not even sure if i should be feeling all these now.. haiz. whats wrong with me :'(
1) Wei Ting, you are ZAI, sure can one!
2) the dance is really super easy, its just repetition of dance steps
3) I am sure you can make it! you learn steps very fast one..
haiz. so much faith in me, but i am not sure if i wun disappoint everyone. it has been a mad rush for me for both council stuff and now chingay. no one understands that i also need a slow pace lifestyle sometimes. Do you not know that it is really tiring to always be zhamming, to always rush things out?
I really think i am crazily busy. Everything that i do has opportunity cost attached to it now. everything is just... suffocating me. :'(
I feel really depressed now, like really depressed. i need to escape from this reality.. to somewhere where i can be alone, where i can have all the time to do the things i need to do, somewhere where it is timeless before zooming back to this stifling place..
Haiz i really feel like shit during dance class just now. maybe its just the way Dan treats me. But can't blame him anyway, i have been missing all his dance classes and so what if i am back now? i will disappear again after chingay ends.. when things start to get busy.. Haiz, so what if i am above average? or maybe average now since i haven been dancing for a very long time.. nvm. life is just unfair one way or another.. seeing how MAD juniors look at me with curious eyes and burning questions and doubts aren't helping either. I am not dance IC but i am in MAD? this is probably one of the questions that the juniors discussed.. yeah they could have probably been thinking that i am lousy so i dun deserve the DIC position. or maybe i am just thinking too much, but such things, it is really hard not to have people talk about it?
no one really understands how i really feel, or rather i have chosen not to talk about it to anyone coz they would probably just think that i am jealous that i didn't get the post that i wan or that i hate cheer ic post and am trying all means to bitch it. And hence, i am not doing a good job and am always whining that i didn't choose this post so i have the right to complain and blame exco/jared for putting me there.
its okie if i dun make sense coz alot of thoughts are inside my head now. i just rite everything down now before all the feelings are gone and i am back to an empty nutshell. okie.. i am spending alot of time writing all these down and it doesn't help me to get betta so i shall stop now..
It is just so complicated for me.. i am not even sure if i should be feeling all these now.. haiz. whats wrong with me :'(
21:46
