Friday, 23 May 2008
♥ one last one.. ><
dance night is over.. arts fest is over..
council is over... NOT.
Many people may be thinking that i have lesser commitments now because i officially stepped down from council and most of my MAD stuff are ending.. well.. somehow its not the case.. i still pretty much can't focused on my studies coz i have another performance at RP next week and practice is as usual, with full runs and performances which will take up most of my time already. I freaking haven studied much for SATS and i have been lagging behind almost all my tutorials except for math. I duno why i always have no time.. i sleep rather little as compared to most people seriously.. and i dun go out unnecessarily.
this week is really a crazy week for me.. with all the emotional turmoil i experienced and all the late nights i had just to complete assignments and tutorials. i realised that i am someone who can't multitask well. i can only focus on one thing at a time.. which probably explains why i always can't do things fast enough and i can be freaking efficient if its just one assignment to be done, provided i have the mood for it. i lack the focus most of the time.. haiz.. makes it even harder for me to complete things quickly. Or maybe i am just too perfectionist and i want all my work to be the best that i can give.. haiz. i duno who i am seriously.. i kinda have split personalities at different situations. ><
talked to cheryl online few days ago.. she has pretty much the same problem as me but hers is slightly more fortunate than me i feel. at least she is closed but i am like not here not there somehow. its always hard for me to get things that i really want.. not that i don't put in effort but i am just too inconfident of myself, and my character. i am just too guai lan and kee siao as woankeng mentioned.. probably explains why i scare most of the people off from my eccentric behaviour. i don't know why am i like this seriously.. haiz.. i am just myself i guess..
Met a stupid lecher ah bei today.. sat beside me on the bus and was rather touchy, talk to me about random stuff and asking me to introduce him a young girlfriend from university when he is like 50 over years old.. still extended his hand and wanted to shake hands with me to be friends. even though its just a journey of less than 5 min.. i felt totally disgusted/mentally tortured and lucky i was smart enough to leave the bus and wait for another one.. i duno why i have no courage to shout at him or to just sit away from him. maybe i am just being too nice and i don't want to hurt his feelings lest he does more weird stuff. haiz its just suay for me bah.. first time in my life met this kinda shit.. Regretted doing something in the end because i felt more shitty after that. maybe some people just dun worth a console and i belong to that category because i am apparently a strong girl to most people. Just want to let everyone noe that i am not as strong or as good as what you may think.. i probably just hid everything away nicely and all these memories just come back to haunt me when i dun want to think about them..
nvm.. i really don't know why life is so complicated all over again.
Anyway.. thank kangjie for all the nice things he did. :)
And i realise i really hate it when people take my nice-ness for granted...
council is over... NOT.
Many people may be thinking that i have lesser commitments now because i officially stepped down from council and most of my MAD stuff are ending.. well.. somehow its not the case.. i still pretty much can't focused on my studies coz i have another performance at RP next week and practice is as usual, with full runs and performances which will take up most of my time already. I freaking haven studied much for SATS and i have been lagging behind almost all my tutorials except for math. I duno why i always have no time.. i sleep rather little as compared to most people seriously.. and i dun go out unnecessarily.
this week is really a crazy week for me.. with all the emotional turmoil i experienced and all the late nights i had just to complete assignments and tutorials. i realised that i am someone who can't multitask well. i can only focus on one thing at a time.. which probably explains why i always can't do things fast enough and i can be freaking efficient if its just one assignment to be done, provided i have the mood for it. i lack the focus most of the time.. haiz.. makes it even harder for me to complete things quickly. Or maybe i am just too perfectionist and i want all my work to be the best that i can give.. haiz. i duno who i am seriously.. i kinda have split personalities at different situations. ><
talked to cheryl online few days ago.. she has pretty much the same problem as me but hers is slightly more fortunate than me i feel. at least she is closed but i am like not here not there somehow. its always hard for me to get things that i really want.. not that i don't put in effort but i am just too inconfident of myself, and my character. i am just too guai lan and kee siao as woankeng mentioned.. probably explains why i scare most of the people off from my eccentric behaviour. i don't know why am i like this seriously.. haiz.. i am just myself i guess..
Met a stupid lecher ah bei today.. sat beside me on the bus and was rather touchy, talk to me about random stuff and asking me to introduce him a young girlfriend from university when he is like 50 over years old.. still extended his hand and wanted to shake hands with me to be friends. even though its just a journey of less than 5 min.. i felt totally disgusted/mentally tortured and lucky i was smart enough to leave the bus and wait for another one.. i duno why i have no courage to shout at him or to just sit away from him. maybe i am just being too nice and i don't want to hurt his feelings lest he does more weird stuff. haiz its just suay for me bah.. first time in my life met this kinda shit.. Regretted doing something in the end because i felt more shitty after that. maybe some people just dun worth a console and i belong to that category because i am apparently a strong girl to most people. Just want to let everyone noe that i am not as strong or as good as what you may think.. i probably just hid everything away nicely and all these memories just come back to haunt me when i dun want to think about them..
nvm.. i really don't know why life is so complicated all over again.
Anyway.. thank kangjie for all the nice things he did. :)
And i realise i really hate it when people take my nice-ness for granted...
05:15
