Sunday, 20 July 2008
♥ maybe
my confidence level obviously rockbottomed just a few days ago. I am not suited for this school i guess, everyone around are really intelligient and diligient. I have lost of motivation to work hard after o levels. subsequent examinations in hwachong worsen this phenomenon. well, i do know that no one can help me if i don't help myself. I ever had the determination to do well for my exams but the amount of effort i put in, obviously it is too little (assuming it is proportionate to grades). I did put in the effort to study, at least i tried my best to study but nothing seems to help me focus now. The bad grades made me quite motivated to work harder but resting, slping and entertainment took precedence everytime i decided to settle down to work/mug.
Maybe i am just not exam smart.
I really don't know, i felt really stressed these few days, especially when it comes to academia. i felt like shit when mr ng went through math paper 1 with us. blame it on my own pride. i felt useless, i felt bad for not preparing for the session, i felt worse when mr ng didn't say much. (if he scold me i probably cry harder oh well). I am starting to feel inferior when i hang around with my other MEII, makes me feel like avoiding them at all cost to self-ostro. I need more time alone to sort out my feelings and to find my confidence back.
I PITY MYSELF. quite sad right? i want to play truant quite badly. I hate school, hate school hate school and i hate exams. I hate remedials too, because they make me feel more inferior than ever because it shows that I AM LOUSY and I AM STUPID.
i am stupid what.. i failed 4 subjects out of 5 AGAIN when BT2 is supposedly easier than BT1. Even my brother know how to ask me why i became so stupid because i nv did that badly for any exam before (Until this year). What the hell is wrong with me then?
Alright, i know i probably won't have the answer to all my questions, i probably need to climb up from failure myself. Why can't anyone reach out their hands to really help me? Words mean nothing to me anymore don't you guys understand...? :(
Maybe i am just not exam smart.
I really don't know, i felt really stressed these few days, especially when it comes to academia. i felt like shit when mr ng went through math paper 1 with us. blame it on my own pride. i felt useless, i felt bad for not preparing for the session, i felt worse when mr ng didn't say much. (if he scold me i probably cry harder oh well). I am starting to feel inferior when i hang around with my other MEII, makes me feel like avoiding them at all cost to self-ostro. I need more time alone to sort out my feelings and to find my confidence back.
I PITY MYSELF. quite sad right? i want to play truant quite badly. I hate school, hate school hate school and i hate exams. I hate remedials too, because they make me feel more inferior than ever because it shows that I AM LOUSY and I AM STUPID.
i am stupid what.. i failed 4 subjects out of 5 AGAIN when BT2 is supposedly easier than BT1. Even my brother know how to ask me why i became so stupid because i nv did that badly for any exam before (Until this year). What the hell is wrong with me then?
Alright, i know i probably won't have the answer to all my questions, i probably need to climb up from failure myself. Why can't anyone reach out their hands to really help me? Words mean nothing to me anymore don't you guys understand...? :(
21:59
