Thursday, 10 July 2008
♥ rollercoaster - downside
I really don't know what's wrong with me recently and what's up with all my emotions and tears. I always thought that i am indifferent towards failing papers after papers. I always believe that I am definitely capable of so much more in academia if I have the time to study.. Well, i am not so sure that my rubbish theories make sense afterall.
"When can you have your morale back to 100%?", that's what Mr Ng asked me yesterday during math lesson, when he sensed that something was amissed. i was feeling really terrible that i couldn't do the math question AGAIN. Maybe it is something really trivial, but I was actually on the verge of crying before i decided to ask meijun for help. Today too, it was just another small issue about me not understanding how to do freaking law of comparative advantage question, I took the whole lesson trying to figure out with the help of phyllis and evelyn. Half-way through i just broke down again. I am actually not someone who cries that easily and i used to be able to tolerate all these minor stuff silently without much trouble. I really find it hard to control my emotions anymore, especially when i am upset and stress. As i am typing this, i already can feel tears welling up in my eyes.. which is really bad.. :(
I really hope all these crying spells can go away faster.. i really can't stop once i start to cry, which is really irritating me.. And i get damn crazy and high really fast too. This sudden change of mood is really unpredictable. One moment i am crying like mad, one moment i will be talking non-stop and smiling like nobody's business (maybe i am exaggerating here but you get what i mean)..
I really don't know what i want now, concerns? friends? family? or maybe because i have been bottling up for too long..
"When can you have your morale back to 100%?", that's what Mr Ng asked me yesterday during math lesson, when he sensed that something was amissed. i was feeling really terrible that i couldn't do the math question AGAIN. Maybe it is something really trivial, but I was actually on the verge of crying before i decided to ask meijun for help. Today too, it was just another small issue about me not understanding how to do freaking law of comparative advantage question, I took the whole lesson trying to figure out with the help of phyllis and evelyn. Half-way through i just broke down again. I am actually not someone who cries that easily and i used to be able to tolerate all these minor stuff silently without much trouble. I really find it hard to control my emotions anymore, especially when i am upset and stress. As i am typing this, i already can feel tears welling up in my eyes.. which is really bad.. :(
I really hope all these crying spells can go away faster.. i really can't stop once i start to cry, which is really irritating me.. And i get damn crazy and high really fast too. This sudden change of mood is really unpredictable. One moment i am crying like mad, one moment i will be talking non-stop and smiling like nobody's business (maybe i am exaggerating here but you get what i mean)..
I really don't know what i want now, concerns? friends? family? or maybe because i have been bottling up for too long..
23:17
