Saturday, 2 January 2010
♥ twenty ten
I guess its a pity that I didn't have the mood to blog on the last day of 2009 and the first day of 2010. Somehow 2010 doesn't seem that important to me as compared to the other new years that I have been through. No gathering at esplanade this year with OG14 to watch fireworks, don't have to prepare for schooling on the 2nd Jan etc. This year, the feeling that lingered before the clock turns 12 is that I feel lonely and perhaps a little upset. Taiwan drama is my company, together with vanness wu, kenji wu and wu chen jun. I guess growing up makes me more friendless even though I will meet alot more people in my life.
I guess growing up makes me more introvert, like I don't know if I can trust the new people I met, to tell them my secrets, my innermost feelings. I learnt that not everyone in this world is nice. Treating your "friends" with sincerity doesn't mean that you will be treated equally. When you expect more, the lesser you will get. So, really, I cannot have high expectations in my life today because it just makes me more pessimistic than usual when the end results are nothing expected.
Wanted to laugh at myself because I almost fell in the bathroom and I think I might have aggravated my injury. I was singing a song which I shouldn't have I guess. It could mean nothing but the pessimistic me would think that I should stay away from it, stay far far away from it. Life sucks because I started the year with a sprained ankle and I have no idea when I could recover. Its the 4th day already and I don't feel it recovering. Have been icing it, putting ointment and rubbing but the pain is never lesser. I feel angry, I feel shitty. But there is nothing I can do to make me feel better.
Thanks Stanley. haha maybe you don't know that I still tear sometimes when you are mentioned. The airport scene, the hwachong times will flash in my mind again and again. I don't really know why I tear but I guess I really miss those days as compared to my life currently. I am damn weak emotionally, I tear more often nowadays, over small issues. I feel that my life is fucked up. I get really irritated when I feel that all these are none of my business but why they are all presented in front of me. Okie, my english sucks, i can't express this properly. An example will be more apt. Like my tolerance for my mum's never ending nagging, scoldings and sometimes nonsense are freaking low now. I mean she can nag for all she wants, but I hate it when she just want things her way and force me to do it immediately even though its nothing urgent. Like wtf is your problem. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM. I know I am being unfilial for saying this but this is really too much sometimes. Forcing me to eat watermelon immediately when I am not hungry at all, saying that I should change the way I speak to her. I mean I am irritated of course my tone is not that nice. I controlled my temper already please. If you are concentrating on doing something and somebody keeps disturbing you REPEATEDLY, anyone would just flare up okie. Her mood no good she just throw her temper at me, like wtf. I am at home everyday so I always get it. Sometimes I really cannot stop myself from thinking that I want to leave this place asap. It is like a land of nothing happy to be reminded of.
Haiz, its just start of the year and all the fucking problems just roll over. I don't dare to talk to my friend on msn because I am scared of awkwardness and so on so on. I don't know whats wrong with me, why am I changing so much. I am becoming more heck care about many things already. Like I can't be bothered anymore. I want a peaceful life, period. I am just depressed la okie. There is no happy thought in my mind. I just feel that life sucks and I keep wanting to cry la okie. I feel tired all the time. I just want to sleep my life away. and yeah, people will just tell me "no one can help you, you can only help yourself". Change the fucking lines please. Just be honest and say you can't be bothered, its none of your business because if you really want to help, you wouldn't say this.
okie, i am just damn angry over no reason la hoh. I am being weird, abnormal, petty, stubborn, stupid and whatsoever. Sorry stanley, I find it hard to think that my life is not shitty. But okie, I will still make an effort to keep myself happy and be more optimistic even if all the shit are thrown at me. I will try because I am lonely, I have no idea when my friends will be there for me and I should be more independent, to face the problems myself, to do things on my own. Get used to being lonely weiting. If not, life will suck even more.
happy 2010..
I guess growing up makes me more introvert, like I don't know if I can trust the new people I met, to tell them my secrets, my innermost feelings. I learnt that not everyone in this world is nice. Treating your "friends" with sincerity doesn't mean that you will be treated equally. When you expect more, the lesser you will get. So, really, I cannot have high expectations in my life today because it just makes me more pessimistic than usual when the end results are nothing expected.
Wanted to laugh at myself because I almost fell in the bathroom and I think I might have aggravated my injury. I was singing a song which I shouldn't have I guess. It could mean nothing but the pessimistic me would think that I should stay away from it, stay far far away from it. Life sucks because I started the year with a sprained ankle and I have no idea when I could recover. Its the 4th day already and I don't feel it recovering. Have been icing it, putting ointment and rubbing but the pain is never lesser. I feel angry, I feel shitty. But there is nothing I can do to make me feel better.
Thanks Stanley. haha maybe you don't know that I still tear sometimes when you are mentioned. The airport scene, the hwachong times will flash in my mind again and again. I don't really know why I tear but I guess I really miss those days as compared to my life currently. I am damn weak emotionally, I tear more often nowadays, over small issues. I feel that my life is fucked up. I get really irritated when I feel that all these are none of my business but why they are all presented in front of me. Okie, my english sucks, i can't express this properly. An example will be more apt. Like my tolerance for my mum's never ending nagging, scoldings and sometimes nonsense are freaking low now. I mean she can nag for all she wants, but I hate it when she just want things her way and force me to do it immediately even though its nothing urgent. Like wtf is your problem. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM. I know I am being unfilial for saying this but this is really too much sometimes. Forcing me to eat watermelon immediately when I am not hungry at all, saying that I should change the way I speak to her. I mean I am irritated of course my tone is not that nice. I controlled my temper already please. If you are concentrating on doing something and somebody keeps disturbing you REPEATEDLY, anyone would just flare up okie. Her mood no good she just throw her temper at me, like wtf. I am at home everyday so I always get it. Sometimes I really cannot stop myself from thinking that I want to leave this place asap. It is like a land of nothing happy to be reminded of.
Haiz, its just start of the year and all the fucking problems just roll over. I don't dare to talk to my friend on msn because I am scared of awkwardness and so on so on. I don't know whats wrong with me, why am I changing so much. I am becoming more heck care about many things already. Like I can't be bothered anymore. I want a peaceful life, period. I am just depressed la okie. There is no happy thought in my mind. I just feel that life sucks and I keep wanting to cry la okie. I feel tired all the time. I just want to sleep my life away. and yeah, people will just tell me "no one can help you, you can only help yourself". Change the fucking lines please. Just be honest and say you can't be bothered, its none of your business because if you really want to help, you wouldn't say this.
okie, i am just damn angry over no reason la hoh. I am being weird, abnormal, petty, stubborn, stupid and whatsoever. Sorry stanley, I find it hard to think that my life is not shitty. But okie, I will still make an effort to keep myself happy and be more optimistic even if all the shit are thrown at me. I will try because I am lonely, I have no idea when my friends will be there for me and I should be more independent, to face the problems myself, to do things on my own. Get used to being lonely weiting. If not, life will suck even more.
happy 2010..
01:32
