Wednesday, 10 March 2010
♥ mixed feelings
supposed to be researching and trying to come up with an answer to the SS forum.. but I am so so distracted. Slpt from 8:40pm to around 11:30pm.. didn't slp from then on.. listening to webcast on SS lecture 6, took me freaking 2 hours plus to finish taking down all the notes.. Shall try to start on econs webcast tmr for lecture 7.. Webcast is seriously taking so much of my time but I cannot focus during lectures... GAHHHH.
Anyone wants to go IT fair with me on thurs/sun? Never been to one before, hope this will be my fruitful virgin visit (getting the stuff i need at a damn good price with freebiesssss!) Raining at PGP at 5:10am... doesn't help me to feel any better.. I am still so affected by Down with Love.. and the whole issue that happened in the afternoon.. Shall not elaborate so much. I guess it just kinda make me think that life likes to play tricks on you when you are seriously trying to get what you want. SS project is a chore because the issues are so ambiguous. I think alot, and at the same time shot down many ideas because they are self-conflicting in my narrow perspective.. sucks.
anyway physio to fix my weak shoulders.. I hope I won't suffer anymore injuries as such.. I am trying so damn hard but my physical body refused to stay strong. Strains on my arms and everything.. Haiz, so many what ifs before the actual competition. I am totally not doing a good job as the girl's group incharge so to speak. I am too overly concerned about my studies and rest time to care so much already. Self before others will be the principle that I shall try to stick to as of now...
也许。。 我应该诚实，应该不要那么感情用事。心必须彻底死亡。。。 真的。胡思乱想已经开始变成我的专利，不希望因为一些举动而产生不该有的化学变质。心动是场浩劫，是我需要克制的。现在没有那个心情去理会因为很累。。 我只要知道别人对自己好，并不是什么特别的事，没必要挂在心上念念不忘。。
朋友啊，你们了解吗？我不适合爱情，爱情不适合我。这就是这几年下来所得到的结论。用脑想，用眼睛看的爱情永远最美最美。我想这也许会是我爱情观的转捩点，是我坚持永远单身的理由吧。我的人生不会是偶像剧，不会有那种刻苦铭心的爱，那种神话般的奇迹。。还是觉得虚拟世界的爱情才是持久的。。
友情才是真正的难能可贵。。 我却还是这方面的失败者。不知道我该笑还是该哭啊。。。
心里的乱，有谁能体会呢？我不想失去自我，我害怕泪水落下来的那一瞬间，我害怕心里的痛苦只能望心里更深处塞。一个空虚的躯壳，没有灵魂的身躯，无神的瞳孔是事端后的结果。。 不明白我在说什么，疲劳已占据我的思想。。只希望能看见曙光，让我相信我也可以有能够让我寄托感情的事物。。
Anyone wants to go IT fair with me on thurs/sun? Never been to one before, hope this will be my fruitful virgin visit (getting the stuff i need at a damn good price with freebiesssss!) Raining at PGP at 5:10am... doesn't help me to feel any better.. I am still so affected by Down with Love.. and the whole issue that happened in the afternoon.. Shall not elaborate so much. I guess it just kinda make me think that life likes to play tricks on you when you are seriously trying to get what you want. SS project is a chore because the issues are so ambiguous. I think alot, and at the same time shot down many ideas because they are self-conflicting in my narrow perspective.. sucks.
anyway physio to fix my weak shoulders.. I hope I won't suffer anymore injuries as such.. I am trying so damn hard but my physical body refused to stay strong. Strains on my arms and everything.. Haiz, so many what ifs before the actual competition. I am totally not doing a good job as the girl's group incharge so to speak. I am too overly concerned about my studies and rest time to care so much already. Self before others will be the principle that I shall try to stick to as of now...
也许。。 我应该诚实，应该不要那么感情用事。心必须彻底死亡。。。 真的。胡思乱想已经开始变成我的专利，不希望因为一些举动而产生不该有的化学变质。心动是场浩劫，是我需要克制的。现在没有那个心情去理会因为很累。。 我只要知道别人对自己好，并不是什么特别的事，没必要挂在心上念念不忘。。
朋友啊，你们了解吗？我不适合爱情，爱情不适合我。这就是这几年下来所得到的结论。用脑想，用眼睛看的爱情永远最美最美。我想这也许会是我爱情观的转捩点，是我坚持永远单身的理由吧。我的人生不会是偶像剧，不会有那种刻苦铭心的爱，那种神话般的奇迹。。还是觉得虚拟世界的爱情才是持久的。。
友情才是真正的难能可贵。。 我却还是这方面的失败者。不知道我该笑还是该哭啊。。。
心里的乱，有谁能体会呢？我不想失去自我，我害怕泪水落下来的那一瞬间，我害怕心里的痛苦只能望心里更深处塞。一个空虚的躯壳，没有灵魂的身躯，无神的瞳孔是事端后的结果。。 不明白我在说什么，疲劳已占据我的思想。。只希望能看见曙光，让我相信我也可以有能够让我寄托感情的事物。。
05:06
