Saturday, 10 April 2010
♥ I am a crybaby
As mentioned in the title, I am a crybaby, or rather I cry super damn easily even though I really hate it. Theres another thing that I want to say: I really hate it when I can't be as good or better than the rest in something that I am involved in. I am too used to being an all-rounder/being outstanding and I can't accept the fact that I actually would suck one day. I hate failures, I super disdained them, I condemn failures. This is probably what makes me work so hard just to be better than the rest coz I really cannot lose to the rest. I cannot lose. A little flaw makes me panic, makes me feel bad because I always aim for perfection. This mentality of mine has made me pessimistic about life, made me so stubborn in wanting to pursue what i want even though I am not exactly very smart or very talented. I expect alot from myself, I despise myself alot at the same time because I always fail to be what I wanted myself to be.
So when I know I lose/things fail many times, I will naturally tear/cry because the inferiority and disappointment are too overwhelming. 我是一个很好胜的人，我的自尊心很强，虽然我常常看起来什么事都无所谓，但我心里很在意很在意。
I am gonna strive hard to be one of the better flyers, one of the better girl base and improve so much that I am gonna make them regret not letting me practice flying earlier because of my fucking weight. I have to tell myself to stop crying... i am really too emotional for nuts. Can I stop using the word "I"? There are just too many "I"s in my blog entries. Why do my english suck so much as well?
Today's training is an eye-opener. I must must must improve in everything. After exams, I will do locking exercises, go to gym, continue dancing and do some running to keep myself fit and to slim down.
On the whole, today is just a bad day. It started since doing term paper because my ideas are just so ridiculous and couldn't really fit in with the physics theories. I wanted to go and see doctor in UHC for my foot but didn't go coz i overslpt in the morning.
this entry is getting too long and I am too tired to continue alr.
So when I know I lose/things fail many times, I will naturally tear/cry because the inferiority and disappointment are too overwhelming. 我是一个很好胜的人，我的自尊心很强，虽然我常常看起来什么事都无所谓，但我心里很在意很在意。
I am gonna strive hard to be one of the better flyers, one of the better girl base and improve so much that I am gonna make them regret not letting me practice flying earlier because of my fucking weight. I have to tell myself to stop crying... i am really too emotional for nuts. Can I stop using the word "I"? There are just too many "I"s in my blog entries. Why do my english suck so much as well?
Today's training is an eye-opener. I must must must improve in everything. After exams, I will do locking exercises, go to gym, continue dancing and do some running to keep myself fit and to slim down.
On the whole, today is just a bad day. It started since doing term paper because my ideas are just so ridiculous and couldn't really fit in with the physics theories. I wanted to go and see doctor in UHC for my foot but didn't go coz i overslpt in the morning.
this entry is getting too long and I am too tired to continue alr.
00:16
