Tuesday, 11 May 2010
♥ 突然
Hmmmmm.. was looking at a lot of facebook profiles just now.. videos, pictures etc etc. I finally understood what was mentioned in My Queen. Whatever that I didn't go through with you, before I ever entered your life or after I did, I can get the glimpse of it through photos and videos, the days that you spent without me, the life you had before we knew each other or rather the kind of life that you are leading now...
I am a real real sentimental person. I treasure memories, I treasure the different different emotional moments though I may not be able to rmb every one of them. Looking at my own profile, photos and videos, a stranger may know a thing or two about me: dance, cheerleading, hwachong, anderson, the same bunch of friends, my 4 other sisters and perhaps my idols. All these are perhaps the very very on the surface indications of what my life was for the past 20 years... the feelings dilute after some time, and that's what makes memories precious and human human... because we remember and we forget.
I will never ever forget who my crushes are... whos the first and whos the latest. I will never forget how many years I secretly held on to relationships that will never gonna bear fruits. I thought about what my sister, cousin and me htht about and felt like a failure because I cannot name anyone who tried to jio me after primary school ended. For once, I seriously think I fail as a woman/female. reflections time perhaps?
Just a random thought, i guess only cminmin knows what my trigger point is... haha. Actually I have no idea why I will tear/cry whenever someone's mentioned. Is that supposed to mean something? I have no idea. But I know for sure it is truly platonic, just something more than that. Maybe because no one has ever sincerely willing to go through so much with me together, to help me, to care for me, to encourage and console me. I am truly thankful to god for letting me meet such a true friend. I want to learn from you, I am learning from you but I have never got anywhere further than a bestie or some girl who can htht with. To you, however I am not the one who is there all the time for you or rather who you will be looking for when you have any thing urgent to talk to. This friendship is lopsided as always, because I always fail as a friend in front of you.
I feel like a joke sometimes, because I am always lying... lying to make ppl feel good and for torturing myself unnecessarily. I have no guts to **** because to me, that is always the innermost secret that I swear to protect. Revealing this makes me vulnerable... thats what I think.
I am waiting, always been waiting. But how long more do I have to wait? Thats all that I can express because this blog is so public, i have no idea who's reading it. Ahh, emo momo.. I dreamt of something weird yesterday, with shimin in it. haha, hope thats a good sign yeah, hope you are doing fine over in LSE! :)
On the other hand, 2 burnt fingers and an injured shoulder today :(
I am a real real sentimental person. I treasure memories, I treasure the different different emotional moments though I may not be able to rmb every one of them. Looking at my own profile, photos and videos, a stranger may know a thing or two about me: dance, cheerleading, hwachong, anderson, the same bunch of friends, my 4 other sisters and perhaps my idols. All these are perhaps the very very on the surface indications of what my life was for the past 20 years... the feelings dilute after some time, and that's what makes memories precious and human human... because we remember and we forget.
I will never ever forget who my crushes are... whos the first and whos the latest. I will never forget how many years I secretly held on to relationships that will never gonna bear fruits. I thought about what my sister, cousin and me htht about and felt like a failure because I cannot name anyone who tried to jio me after primary school ended. For once, I seriously think I fail as a woman/female. reflections time perhaps?
Just a random thought, i guess only cminmin knows what my trigger point is... haha. Actually I have no idea why I will tear/cry whenever someone's mentioned. Is that supposed to mean something? I have no idea. But I know for sure it is truly platonic, just something more than that. Maybe because no one has ever sincerely willing to go through so much with me together, to help me, to care for me, to encourage and console me. I am truly thankful to god for letting me meet such a true friend. I want to learn from you, I am learning from you but I have never got anywhere further than a bestie or some girl who can htht with. To you, however I am not the one who is there all the time for you or rather who you will be looking for when you have any thing urgent to talk to. This friendship is lopsided as always, because I always fail as a friend in front of you.
I feel like a joke sometimes, because I am always lying... lying to make ppl feel good and for torturing myself unnecessarily. I have no guts to **** because to me, that is always the innermost secret that I swear to protect. Revealing this makes me vulnerable... thats what I think.
I am waiting, always been waiting. But how long more do I have to wait? Thats all that I can express because this blog is so public, i have no idea who's reading it. Ahh, emo momo.. I dreamt of something weird yesterday, with shimin in it. haha, hope thats a good sign yeah, hope you are doing fine over in LSE! :)
On the other hand, 2 burnt fingers and an injured shoulder today :(
02:12
