Saturday, 11 September 2010
♥ moving on
So what do you want me to say?
Yes you can hate me TTM and not thinking that you are in the wrong. And the fault lies in me that I talk behind your back, I being a hypocrite, I pretending that nothing has happened.
So now tell me, if you can sense my dislike through the way I interacted with you, via how I communicate with you, why I do things in a certain manner, then tell me, what is so pretentious about me? What is so hypocritical?
Tell me again, writing all of that on your blog, telling perry all about it, being friendly to me, pretending that nothing has happened... TELL ME, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Aren't you the one who say that if you don't like a person, you can just say it straight into the face instead of beating about the bush? Ask yourself this, is it even possible to do that? We do know who is the winner of stars award now, no?
I still want a friend even though I may not condone what has happened. Doing things like saying "I SERIOUSLY HATE YOU" straight into your face is something that I will never do because I know that I would never want anyone to do the same to me. Why should I make things irreversible? It will make things more unbearable right, especially if we are still gonna stick together. And you want communication, u want communication, you think there is miscommunication, but you know what? There isn't. And because I still respect you as a friend, I have my reservation for you, I don't want things to get so ugly because when it does one day, what I am gonna say to you is not gonna sound sweet and nice, and I know I will feel upset for saying all those things to hurt you. I don't want to let my emotions control my mind because that's when i lose control of myself and be real nasty. I don't want you to be the first girl to make me do that to you because we are still acquaintance.
Now, ask yourself, should I even be the one to clear up the air first? Ask yourself, how much or how important I am to you as a friend, or as a member of the clique. Ask yourself, why is all these happening? Ask yourself, do you really think that I am at fault, am I really saying things about you which are untrue from what you have heard?
I have my way of doing and judging things, you can despise me for all I care because that just goes to show that we don't know each other well enough. I am just gonna do the right thing.
That's my say in this issue. Agree with me or not, or whether you even read this does not matter to me because there is no solution, just venting of frustration and disappointment.
I have a livejournal account that is finally active.. I am starting to post stuff that is only for myself. Finally I found an avenue to blog down stuff that are so personal to me, that I wouldn't dare to tell anyone about it. Hope that I don't have to blog there so often, but i got a feeling I would.
Performance at 8:40am later.. and its 3:31am now. I can't start on my presentation because I am so shagged out, because I have so many things running in my head, because I am not focus.
Alpha Verve is finally on the verge of breakdown today. The system that we are currently adopting is forcing people to start thinking about the team's future, about how things can be done with human touch in it. Male ego makes guys damn subjective that they cannot think straight, they only care about themselves and what they think is GOOD for the team. All of them are using what they think is the winning formula to lead the team. This is not gonna happen because cultures are different, people in it are different. There is no fit-for-all formula to talk about. Everyone is talking about stunts, stunts, stunts... it is important, no doubt. But what about the other aspect of cheerleading? Is anyone working on their dance? Is our tumbling skills really improving? Is our cheer catchy? Cheerleading is a performance sport, you incorporate different elements in it to make it awesome. When our stunting skills are not as good as other groups, we work on other areas like DANCE to make us stand out. You can disagree with me, again, but this is what I truly feel.
Having so many trainings a week, when some are not even productive, why even conduct it. You push people to the limit, but are you even pushing yourself to the limit as well? You have your own set of thinking, but not everyone thinks the same and still achieve the same results. So yup, if you want to quit the team, you can fucking go ahead and do it because you are not caring about the team dynamics, you are just doing what you think is good for you, good for the team with no one on your side.
Yes you can hate me TTM and not thinking that you are in the wrong. And the fault lies in me that I talk behind your back, I being a hypocrite, I pretending that nothing has happened.
So now tell me, if you can sense my dislike through the way I interacted with you, via how I communicate with you, why I do things in a certain manner, then tell me, what is so pretentious about me? What is so hypocritical?
Tell me again, writing all of that on your blog, telling perry all about it, being friendly to me, pretending that nothing has happened... TELL ME, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Aren't you the one who say that if you don't like a person, you can just say it straight into the face instead of beating about the bush? Ask yourself this, is it even possible to do that? We do know who is the winner of stars award now, no?
I still want a friend even though I may not condone what has happened. Doing things like saying "I SERIOUSLY HATE YOU" straight into your face is something that I will never do because I know that I would never want anyone to do the same to me. Why should I make things irreversible? It will make things more unbearable right, especially if we are still gonna stick together. And you want communication, u want communication, you think there is miscommunication, but you know what? There isn't. And because I still respect you as a friend, I have my reservation for you, I don't want things to get so ugly because when it does one day, what I am gonna say to you is not gonna sound sweet and nice, and I know I will feel upset for saying all those things to hurt you. I don't want to let my emotions control my mind because that's when i lose control of myself and be real nasty. I don't want you to be the first girl to make me do that to you because we are still acquaintance.
Now, ask yourself, should I even be the one to clear up the air first? Ask yourself, how much or how important I am to you as a friend, or as a member of the clique. Ask yourself, why is all these happening? Ask yourself, do you really think that I am at fault, am I really saying things about you which are untrue from what you have heard?
I have my way of doing and judging things, you can despise me for all I care because that just goes to show that we don't know each other well enough. I am just gonna do the right thing.
That's my say in this issue. Agree with me or not, or whether you even read this does not matter to me because there is no solution, just venting of frustration and disappointment.
I have a livejournal account that is finally active.. I am starting to post stuff that is only for myself. Finally I found an avenue to blog down stuff that are so personal to me, that I wouldn't dare to tell anyone about it. Hope that I don't have to blog there so often, but i got a feeling I would.
Performance at 8:40am later.. and its 3:31am now. I can't start on my presentation because I am so shagged out, because I have so many things running in my head, because I am not focus.
Alpha Verve is finally on the verge of breakdown today. The system that we are currently adopting is forcing people to start thinking about the team's future, about how things can be done with human touch in it. Male ego makes guys damn subjective that they cannot think straight, they only care about themselves and what they think is GOOD for the team. All of them are using what they think is the winning formula to lead the team. This is not gonna happen because cultures are different, people in it are different. There is no fit-for-all formula to talk about. Everyone is talking about stunts, stunts, stunts... it is important, no doubt. But what about the other aspect of cheerleading? Is anyone working on their dance? Is our tumbling skills really improving? Is our cheer catchy? Cheerleading is a performance sport, you incorporate different elements in it to make it awesome. When our stunting skills are not as good as other groups, we work on other areas like DANCE to make us stand out. You can disagree with me, again, but this is what I truly feel.
Having so many trainings a week, when some are not even productive, why even conduct it. You push people to the limit, but are you even pushing yourself to the limit as well? You have your own set of thinking, but not everyone thinks the same and still achieve the same results. So yup, if you want to quit the team, you can fucking go ahead and do it because you are not caring about the team dynamics, you are just doing what you think is good for you, good for the team with no one on your side.
01:51
