Friday, 11 November 2011
♥ 11/11/11
Nice date. Hopefully a perfect day too!
Got the urge to write something on the blog today and hopefully the messages get transmitted somewhere, to someone who would make everything happen.
Journey of life so far hasn't been too bad, but naturally when there are ups, there would be downs too. There are really alot alot of things that I want to tell people around me, but there never will be opportunities to say them face-to-face. I shall pluck out my courage today, to clear my thoughts and be honest about it.
Maybe this is a little too late but I still owe you an apology I guess. I am sorry that the incident ended up this way. Maybe you still hate me, maybe you don't but I know what I have done have hurt you one way or another. I have never spoke to you ever since (if you realised). Many times when we met each other along the walkways, natural tendency is to pretend that we have never seen each other and just walk away. Well, I don't know if that is the case for you but for me, I just don't know how to say hi or to face you. Maybe I am just afraid that I get dao-ed and feel upset again. Knowing myself, I really would just emo the day away until something happy happens.
Maybe you will never ever come to this blog to see this, but I really hope that we could be friends again. I know I won't be able to say this to you face-to-face because I will probably just tear and tear and get the wrong message across.
Sorry Perry.
We probably have alot of clashes in values and the way we perceive things. I still have lots to learn and understand how to interact with people who are very different from I am. I know my EQ probably sucked when it comes to work and you guys have tried to accommodate my very demanding attitude. I know that I am way too stubborn and perhaps arrogant and it became such a chore to work with me and eventually strained the relationship that we had. You are a very nice girl and I am probably not as nice as I thought I could be. This may sound cliche and insincere but I really never had quarrels with friends to this extent ever. This is perhaps my wake-up call, to get things drilled in my head through the hardest and the most cruel manner that I am wrong. Same here, I don't know how much i am being hated, how hard it is for things to get normal again.
To you yingtong, I really want to apologize for making you tolerate all the expectations that you didn't have to bear, and for all the misunderstandings that I had of you during that period in time. I guess it was just me, yet to be matured enough to take care of my friend's feelings. Really dui bu qi.
Again, I have to apologize for the way I worked, for being inconsiderate and untactful. I guess i really suck at working with people yah? Sorry to have caused so much unhappiness because of my personality and how I don't communicate or try to express myself more. I am trying, and of course, I know once bitten, twice shy. I probably won't be trusted by most people again and I can only say I deserve it yup. So to you adeline, I am sorry.
Perhaps I really didn't know that I have many friends around me who silently helped me cleared the air, do the explanations, and suffered having to be the middle person all the time when it is not even their own problem. I understand how irritating I can get when all I do is just to complain and complain without making an effort to solve my own problem. I am sorry that I made my problem your problem. You probably tried your best to talk me out, but all the hints and advices fell onto deaf ears. To be really honest, I really have to apologize to you the most, for unintentionally making use of your niceness and giving you all the shit that you didn't have to bother but you still did because you wanted things to be normal again. You once said that everything boils down to my personality, the cause of all the problems. I couldn't agree with you previously but I understood better as time goes by. I am sorry that I didn't give enough trust to you guys and only regret after so much things became irreversible. Zhimin, I know this is really too late, but thanks for everything that you have done for me within your capacity and for still treating me as normally as you can. You have no idea how much i appreciate what you have done.
To Eileen, the same goes to you, thank you for listening to me and for understanding and staying up so late the other time round just to clarify things with me. We used to be so close but i guess circumstance just forced things to be the way it is now. I don't know how to face you guys and vice versa i guess.
To rebecca, thanks for being such a caring room mate and friend. Though you mentioned before that you have nothing against me, I somehow felt that I couldn't really talk to you as much as I would. Perhaps i didn't try hard enough to talk to you or because of how close you were with them, you probably didn't notice that it seemed to me that it has become a taboo to be talking to me or something whenever you guys are together. But I guess, I just have to not think too much bah. Thanks for taking the initiative to listen to me at subway the other time round and giving me advice from your own experience as well.
To andrew, you have always been there ever since you heard about what happened. Constantly telling me to eat a chill pill, encouraging me to move on, listening to all my rubbish and talking cock with me. To be honest, I was jealous and worried when I knew you got together with L because I somehow just felt that you would have lesser time to spend with me already. True that we don't have as much time like last time, bugged down by work and all, but I am still thankful whenever I see you around school and you would come and disturb me once in a while. I am still your no.1 fan yeah? send me your songs so that i can compile into something for you next time when you want to join singapore's idol yeah? :) I am so glad that we stay so close to each other and i could always ask you out for meals or movies.
To junhong, I can only say you are one of the few that I really respected for always wanting to do all the crazy stuff. taking up martial arts, doing gymnastics, taking up break classes... you are like muscle muscle man with a cute character, irony of the irony. I really like the way we could talk about anything and always agreeing with each other's point of view. I realised that I am always the one being encouraged by you when I was down and got injured during cheer practices. Or when I had so much so much to do that I had to shout out to you and you will always be there to say that we are all in the same boat together. Maybe, I like the way you don't mind doing things together with me and always being spontaneous like how you chieong-ed down to watch movie the other time. Thanks for always being my inspiration and motivation to become better at what i am doing, or rather always believing that I am zai enough to do it well.
To yisheng, because of scope this sem that I got to spend alot more time to know you. You seriously one busy guy, if I am already that busy, this time round you are 10 times worse off. Thanks for always being so easygoing and and being so funny all the time. you this lao jiao always want to act young. Seriously I would miss you alot when I come back from SEP and you graduate from SDE. I will take more initiative to ask you go eat lunch together more often or something, if not next time confirm very hard to meet up, you mr popular!
To jianguang, first of all congrats! And yah, for asking me out for lunch all the time too. We always niao each other about the girl or the guy beside us and I still don't understand why. maybe its just the way we interact bah. Hehe, you yue lai yue shuai le hoh. Anyway, thanks for being the guide and helping me get out of the misery. Perhaps you didn't know that you saved me from alot of crying nights. Thanks for coming down to send me off to USA the other time, supposed to meet up before that but no time and everything. appreciate the effort yah, give you and yisheng best OGLs award. haha. And also, for talking to me about relationship stuff. It is funny to hear you so serious about it but yah, I know la, don't need to rush so much okie.
To Peter, best friend yo. haha, without you, I will probably be stranded all by myself, not knowing any new friends, not having someone to hang around in school. Right, PEEETERRR? :)
To LJ, thanks for always being so nice and encouraging and for being so strong for me, letting me try my bow and arrow, doing stunts with me when no one dared. I really appreciate your effort. You really hen cute ah jing ge ge!! I really would train hard and let you be the first base in Alpha to hit a bow and arrow, that is my promise to you.
To Lee Alice, perhaps I really have no idea that you respected me so much as a senior in cheer. I was never really close to you in a sense but because I am almost always your mid-tier for stunts, I always could feel that you were very sincere in encouraging people and always very wise actually. Because of you, our stunts are always up, we always just have that chemistry and somehow i am just very used to catching you. Thanks for always showering me with so much love, care and concern Alice. Thanks for all the support and always helping me find opportunities to stunt. Really thank you my dear. If I could love you, I would love you ten times over for not abandoning me, for staying in Alpha and fight alongside with me. Your presence matters alot to me.
To Perle, newfound buddy! Thanks for always letting me bunk in your room and being so committed to cheer. Thanks for cheering me up when my mood totally rockbottomed hearing news that shattered my faith in the team. Hope to get to work with you when I get back from SEP. Jiayou for your studies and hall commitments too!
To xiaoxiaob, you really have no idea how happy I was that you were my ultimate strong base, how your words truly touched my heart deeply and how much I like the way you talk about cheer-related stuff with that passion in your eyes. If there is one thing I could wish for, I would selfishly use it on you.
Perhaps you may all think that this post is pretty insignificant and full of contradictory moods and all, but everything written here is heartfelt, with tears, unhappy and happy memories in my head as i sat down here, 3 hours writing and expressing myself. Of course, the list over here is endless, I have so so so much to say to everyone who had made an impact in my life. Like my MEWII and council mates.
Thanks for reading this whole long piece of thoughts and opinions.
Got the urge to write something on the blog today and hopefully the messages get transmitted somewhere, to someone who would make everything happen.
Journey of life so far hasn't been too bad, but naturally when there are ups, there would be downs too. There are really alot alot of things that I want to tell people around me, but there never will be opportunities to say them face-to-face. I shall pluck out my courage today, to clear my thoughts and be honest about it.
Maybe this is a little too late but I still owe you an apology I guess. I am sorry that the incident ended up this way. Maybe you still hate me, maybe you don't but I know what I have done have hurt you one way or another. I have never spoke to you ever since (if you realised). Many times when we met each other along the walkways, natural tendency is to pretend that we have never seen each other and just walk away. Well, I don't know if that is the case for you but for me, I just don't know how to say hi or to face you. Maybe I am just afraid that I get dao-ed and feel upset again. Knowing myself, I really would just emo the day away until something happy happens.
Maybe you will never ever come to this blog to see this, but I really hope that we could be friends again. I know I won't be able to say this to you face-to-face because I will probably just tear and tear and get the wrong message across.
Sorry Perry.
We probably have alot of clashes in values and the way we perceive things. I still have lots to learn and understand how to interact with people who are very different from I am. I know my EQ probably sucked when it comes to work and you guys have tried to accommodate my very demanding attitude. I know that I am way too stubborn and perhaps arrogant and it became such a chore to work with me and eventually strained the relationship that we had. You are a very nice girl and I am probably not as nice as I thought I could be. This may sound cliche and insincere but I really never had quarrels with friends to this extent ever. This is perhaps my wake-up call, to get things drilled in my head through the hardest and the most cruel manner that I am wrong. Same here, I don't know how much i am being hated, how hard it is for things to get normal again.
To you yingtong, I really want to apologize for making you tolerate all the expectations that you didn't have to bear, and for all the misunderstandings that I had of you during that period in time. I guess it was just me, yet to be matured enough to take care of my friend's feelings. Really dui bu qi.
Again, I have to apologize for the way I worked, for being inconsiderate and untactful. I guess i really suck at working with people yah? Sorry to have caused so much unhappiness because of my personality and how I don't communicate or try to express myself more. I am trying, and of course, I know once bitten, twice shy. I probably won't be trusted by most people again and I can only say I deserve it yup. So to you adeline, I am sorry.
Perhaps I really didn't know that I have many friends around me who silently helped me cleared the air, do the explanations, and suffered having to be the middle person all the time when it is not even their own problem. I understand how irritating I can get when all I do is just to complain and complain without making an effort to solve my own problem. I am sorry that I made my problem your problem. You probably tried your best to talk me out, but all the hints and advices fell onto deaf ears. To be really honest, I really have to apologize to you the most, for unintentionally making use of your niceness and giving you all the shit that you didn't have to bother but you still did because you wanted things to be normal again. You once said that everything boils down to my personality, the cause of all the problems. I couldn't agree with you previously but I understood better as time goes by. I am sorry that I didn't give enough trust to you guys and only regret after so much things became irreversible. Zhimin, I know this is really too late, but thanks for everything that you have done for me within your capacity and for still treating me as normally as you can. You have no idea how much i appreciate what you have done.
To Eileen, the same goes to you, thank you for listening to me and for understanding and staying up so late the other time round just to clarify things with me. We used to be so close but i guess circumstance just forced things to be the way it is now. I don't know how to face you guys and vice versa i guess.
To rebecca, thanks for being such a caring room mate and friend. Though you mentioned before that you have nothing against me, I somehow felt that I couldn't really talk to you as much as I would. Perhaps i didn't try hard enough to talk to you or because of how close you were with them, you probably didn't notice that it seemed to me that it has become a taboo to be talking to me or something whenever you guys are together. But I guess, I just have to not think too much bah. Thanks for taking the initiative to listen to me at subway the other time round and giving me advice from your own experience as well.
To andrew, you have always been there ever since you heard about what happened. Constantly telling me to eat a chill pill, encouraging me to move on, listening to all my rubbish and talking cock with me. To be honest, I was jealous and worried when I knew you got together with L because I somehow just felt that you would have lesser time to spend with me already. True that we don't have as much time like last time, bugged down by work and all, but I am still thankful whenever I see you around school and you would come and disturb me once in a while. I am still your no.1 fan yeah? send me your songs so that i can compile into something for you next time when you want to join singapore's idol yeah? :) I am so glad that we stay so close to each other and i could always ask you out for meals or movies.
To junhong, I can only say you are one of the few that I really respected for always wanting to do all the crazy stuff. taking up martial arts, doing gymnastics, taking up break classes... you are like muscle muscle man with a cute character, irony of the irony. I really like the way we could talk about anything and always agreeing with each other's point of view. I realised that I am always the one being encouraged by you when I was down and got injured during cheer practices. Or when I had so much so much to do that I had to shout out to you and you will always be there to say that we are all in the same boat together. Maybe, I like the way you don't mind doing things together with me and always being spontaneous like how you chieong-ed down to watch movie the other time. Thanks for always being my inspiration and motivation to become better at what i am doing, or rather always believing that I am zai enough to do it well.
To yisheng, because of scope this sem that I got to spend alot more time to know you. You seriously one busy guy, if I am already that busy, this time round you are 10 times worse off. Thanks for always being so easygoing and and being so funny all the time. you this lao jiao always want to act young. Seriously I would miss you alot when I come back from SEP and you graduate from SDE. I will take more initiative to ask you go eat lunch together more often or something, if not next time confirm very hard to meet up, you mr popular!
To jianguang, first of all congrats! And yah, for asking me out for lunch all the time too. We always niao each other about the girl or the guy beside us and I still don't understand why. maybe its just the way we interact bah. Hehe, you yue lai yue shuai le hoh. Anyway, thanks for being the guide and helping me get out of the misery. Perhaps you didn't know that you saved me from alot of crying nights. Thanks for coming down to send me off to USA the other time, supposed to meet up before that but no time and everything. appreciate the effort yah, give you and yisheng best OGLs award. haha. And also, for talking to me about relationship stuff. It is funny to hear you so serious about it but yah, I know la, don't need to rush so much okie.
To Peter, best friend yo. haha, without you, I will probably be stranded all by myself, not knowing any new friends, not having someone to hang around in school. Right, PEEETERRR? :)
To LJ, thanks for always being so nice and encouraging and for being so strong for me, letting me try my bow and arrow, doing stunts with me when no one dared. I really appreciate your effort. You really hen cute ah jing ge ge!! I really would train hard and let you be the first base in Alpha to hit a bow and arrow, that is my promise to you.
To Lee Alice, perhaps I really have no idea that you respected me so much as a senior in cheer. I was never really close to you in a sense but because I am almost always your mid-tier for stunts, I always could feel that you were very sincere in encouraging people and always very wise actually. Because of you, our stunts are always up, we always just have that chemistry and somehow i am just very used to catching you. Thanks for always showering me with so much love, care and concern Alice. Thanks for all the support and always helping me find opportunities to stunt. Really thank you my dear. If I could love you, I would love you ten times over for not abandoning me, for staying in Alpha and fight alongside with me. Your presence matters alot to me.
To Perle, newfound buddy! Thanks for always letting me bunk in your room and being so committed to cheer. Thanks for cheering me up when my mood totally rockbottomed hearing news that shattered my faith in the team. Hope to get to work with you when I get back from SEP. Jiayou for your studies and hall commitments too!
To xiaoxiaob, you really have no idea how happy I was that you were my ultimate strong base, how your words truly touched my heart deeply and how much I like the way you talk about cheer-related stuff with that passion in your eyes. If there is one thing I could wish for, I would selfishly use it on you.
Perhaps you may all think that this post is pretty insignificant and full of contradictory moods and all, but everything written here is heartfelt, with tears, unhappy and happy memories in my head as i sat down here, 3 hours writing and expressing myself. Of course, the list over here is endless, I have so so so much to say to everyone who had made an impact in my life. Like my MEWII and council mates.
Thanks for reading this whole long piece of thoughts and opinions.
00:20
