Tuesday, 6 March 2012
♥ Time to update
Guess I haven been updating much ever since I came to Leeds. Today is probably a reflection day, been doing nothing in my room for a very long time, unwilling to start any work, unmotivated to work out as well...
I am truly intoxicated by cheerleading. I have no idea why I want to achieve so much for this sport, why I want to become better and better. Why do I want so much for something that I am perhaps not suited for? Is this like the way I challenge myself to get over my comfort zone, to try excel in something that I am not good at yet have passion for? I don't know what keeps me going and going at it, probably because I like this sport so much that I am willing to sacrifice alot of things just to be more skillful.
The prospect of me doing cheerleading as a full-time career is not good at all, because I can't convince anyone with the level of skills I am at in terms of flying. It is a joke that the highest level I have gone for basket toss, is actually just toe touch in my 2 years plus of cheerleading journey. Seeing how much the juniors are improving, how fast they are surpassing me just makes me feel that perhaps, I really did not fight for my chances at flying at all. I left my fate to coach to give me a chance, to let me try. But I guess I am wrong, totally wrong. Instead of letting coach decide, I should be the one actively trying out stunts, getting my bases to help me and hitting the stunts like a boss.
Because coach will never think that I am a good investment, because weight wise I am alr losing out and I haven been showing that I really want to fly because I simply let him decide. He doesn't know how much effort I am putting in to train up my flexibility, balance and my jumps. How much effort I am putting in to increase my strength and to get my abs just to convince people that I am heavy because I am muscular. I need to work alot harder just to proof all the above. Maybe because things don't come easily to me, I feel tired sometimes having to work doubly hard to achieve my goals. My goals are sky-high and sometimes unattainable. But I always believe that I have the capability to achieve them if I put my heart and soul into it. I don't know why I have such confidence in my ability, I really just feel that I could achieve so much more and it is really me stopping myself from going all out. I care too much about other people and am really too sensitive to some issues.
I am quite emo now, because I still have so much assignments to do but I am so tired at the same time. I am filled with so much jealousy every time I see juniors getting their new skills, achieving new things in cheer but I could only feel happy for them and not able to try it myself. Cheer in UK is so so so different. I would never be able to achieve that much here other than tumbling, which is really something that I want to work very hard for. I will try to get my BHS, ROBT, ROLO and punchfront before I go back to Singapore. Must jiayou and don't waste my gym rental money. Pay for it already must make it worthwhile.
Wei Ting, jiayou.
I am truly intoxicated by cheerleading. I have no idea why I want to achieve so much for this sport, why I want to become better and better. Why do I want so much for something that I am perhaps not suited for? Is this like the way I challenge myself to get over my comfort zone, to try excel in something that I am not good at yet have passion for? I don't know what keeps me going and going at it, probably because I like this sport so much that I am willing to sacrifice alot of things just to be more skillful.
The prospect of me doing cheerleading as a full-time career is not good at all, because I can't convince anyone with the level of skills I am at in terms of flying. It is a joke that the highest level I have gone for basket toss, is actually just toe touch in my 2 years plus of cheerleading journey. Seeing how much the juniors are improving, how fast they are surpassing me just makes me feel that perhaps, I really did not fight for my chances at flying at all. I left my fate to coach to give me a chance, to let me try. But I guess I am wrong, totally wrong. Instead of letting coach decide, I should be the one actively trying out stunts, getting my bases to help me and hitting the stunts like a boss.
Because coach will never think that I am a good investment, because weight wise I am alr losing out and I haven been showing that I really want to fly because I simply let him decide. He doesn't know how much effort I am putting in to train up my flexibility, balance and my jumps. How much effort I am putting in to increase my strength and to get my abs just to convince people that I am heavy because I am muscular. I need to work alot harder just to proof all the above. Maybe because things don't come easily to me, I feel tired sometimes having to work doubly hard to achieve my goals. My goals are sky-high and sometimes unattainable. But I always believe that I have the capability to achieve them if I put my heart and soul into it. I don't know why I have such confidence in my ability, I really just feel that I could achieve so much more and it is really me stopping myself from going all out. I care too much about other people and am really too sensitive to some issues.
I am quite emo now, because I still have so much assignments to do but I am so tired at the same time. I am filled with so much jealousy every time I see juniors getting their new skills, achieving new things in cheer but I could only feel happy for them and not able to try it myself. Cheer in UK is so so so different. I would never be able to achieve that much here other than tumbling, which is really something that I want to work very hard for. I will try to get my BHS, ROBT, ROLO and punchfront before I go back to Singapore. Must jiayou and don't waste my gym rental money. Pay for it already must make it worthwhile.
Wei Ting, jiayou.
03:41
