Sunday, 7 October 2012
♥ Upset with myself
I am really tired today but my headache is just not going away...
I really hate it when I am given a chance to fly yet I didn't make that chance happen the way I want it to. Why can't I just lock myself tight and get a freaking liberty up in the air? It would be nice if I manage to do a bow&arrow today but I destroyed my own chance.
I guess no one understands how much all these mean to me. The very reason why I am still in Alpha despite how much obstacles and challenges I have to face is the desire to do the stunts I want to do. I want to do my bow&arrow. I want to be able to do my ROBT/ROBHS/ROLO even. Why my cheer life needs to be shitty. I worked really hard. But I have to be defeated by nature. My inability to lose weight despite how much exercises I am doing is just too bad for me. You see 47kg ppl complaining they are fucking fat and weight is their issues. like wtf. How is that even any issue at all when they are not denied of any flying opportunities and are given all the chances to try every single thing. Talk to my hand. If you are ever in my position, you won't even hum a single fucking word because someone else out there has issues and has been sucking it up and dealing with it with so much optimism, compared to your that freaking small weight issue that you face.
Seriously speaking, I don't know how long I can take this. With people leaving you out completely sometimes. I just can't stop crying thinking about this. Here am I, coping with identity crisis and all sorts of injuries impeding me from progressing any further. I am no saint... I will breakdown one day too. To survive for 4 freaking years is no small feat.
:( Regardless, I still want to thank the bases who have ever been there for me, and ever asked me to try stunts, whether or not things have been the same or have changed. Terence, Joe, Congren, Li Bin, Chzehao, Nigel, Li Jing (Alpha bases), Gerard, Ochi, Andrew, Clement (Wildcards). And Coach too. Without all of you, I would have quit, instead of having hopes that things might just happen some day again, if I believe hard enough.
Alright shall sleep now. Good bye to emo.
I really hate it when I am given a chance to fly yet I didn't make that chance happen the way I want it to. Why can't I just lock myself tight and get a freaking liberty up in the air? It would be nice if I manage to do a bow&arrow today but I destroyed my own chance.
I guess no one understands how much all these mean to me. The very reason why I am still in Alpha despite how much obstacles and challenges I have to face is the desire to do the stunts I want to do. I want to do my bow&arrow. I want to be able to do my ROBT/ROBHS/ROLO even. Why my cheer life needs to be shitty. I worked really hard. But I have to be defeated by nature. My inability to lose weight despite how much exercises I am doing is just too bad for me. You see 47kg ppl complaining they are fucking fat and weight is their issues. like wtf. How is that even any issue at all when they are not denied of any flying opportunities and are given all the chances to try every single thing. Talk to my hand. If you are ever in my position, you won't even hum a single fucking word because someone else out there has issues and has been sucking it up and dealing with it with so much optimism, compared to your that freaking small weight issue that you face.
Seriously speaking, I don't know how long I can take this. With people leaving you out completely sometimes. I just can't stop crying thinking about this. Here am I, coping with identity crisis and all sorts of injuries impeding me from progressing any further. I am no saint... I will breakdown one day too. To survive for 4 freaking years is no small feat.
:( Regardless, I still want to thank the bases who have ever been there for me, and ever asked me to try stunts, whether or not things have been the same or have changed. Terence, Joe, Congren, Li Bin, Chzehao, Nigel, Li Jing (Alpha bases), Gerard, Ochi, Andrew, Clement (Wildcards). And Coach too. Without all of you, I would have quit, instead of having hopes that things might just happen some day again, if I believe hard enough.
Alright shall sleep now. Good bye to emo.
03:33
